Wow, can't believe we're at the end of the month already. It feels like just yesterday I was yearning for the orange and brown leaves and the crippling cold to ease in. Oh well.
Blogspot, let me be real with you. Realistically speaking, this month has been just as milquetoast and empty as the other filler months of this year. But. For some reason, this month, I could physically and mentally feel myself aging. Whenever I think about the fact the next age I'm turning is 20 (8 months left to go) it's a very uneasy but bittersweet feeling that sets in. It also doesn't help that my back and legs hurt a lot more often, the damn fabled thing I've heard from other 19-20 year olds.
But anyways, regarding the only other meaningful thing that counts for anyone else; Whole Foods was the only employer that has gotten back to me, we've been rearranging phone calls and interviews and are still in that stage today. It looks like they're willing to hire me as a cashier, which I'm honestly a little scared about because numbers and money are something I have a hard time with because of my tiny little brain. I was hoping to just be a person who stocks and recalls stuff. But it's whatever. If I can get a job period, I'll be proud of myself, because it is all honestly scary for me.
A seemingly constant theme for me at the beginning of the month was the fact I kept getting lied to. By a few different people, some strangers, some friends. It's strange, thinking you know someone's lying but they never tell you if they are, you just have to figure it out for yourself. When someone wants to spare your feelings even though you only want to hear honesty from that person because you care about them so much. It also sucks to care about someone a lot and they do not reciprocate at all. But, if you've been reading any of my posts, you'll know that is an experience I've dealt with again and again, so it doesn't bother me all that much. It's like a real life tragedy but unfolding in my own life, and I'm both the main actor and single person in the audience.
I finally got new glasses. They arrived on Sept. 8th, two days after the "general stuff" post, and at first they were really weird. They made my right eye vision slanted a little (my right eye is on a different axis than the left) and it took a few days to get used to it, I am thankfully fully used to it now and just glad I can see clear and far again after like 2 years.
For some reason, my body completely reset itself and I have been waking up at 9, 10, or 11 am and going to bed at 11 pm, 12 or 1 am, which is very unlike me but it's just how my life is now. Waking up and going to bed early definitely has its own perks and disadvantages compared to my older schedule of waking up at 2-4 pm and going to bed at 4-6 am, which felt a lot worse physically. But at the same time, waking up early means I don't interact with another human via voice or in-person for at least 6-7 hours. Despite being an introvert, not talking with my friends or at least my mom (IK, ew, sucky, but at least that's another person to talk to) kinda drives me crazy especially when I have things to talk about. Although I can definitely brush that off if it means I feel better mentally and physically.
Continuing on, I introduce:
Monthly favorite song:
Poison Pop - Qbomb
Silicon Soul - j-gems, Bleuctipie - A Verbal Equinox, Eminem Adopts A Dragon - Gynx
This song takes the point of view of someone who captivates or captivated their own fanbase and following. The singer hates one single person, who seems to have become controversial with rumors circulating around them and the singer, that they do not want any part of. It's aggressive, catchy, and passionate. I love it, and it makes me feel less passive and depressed, and more aggressive and emboldened towards the controversial asshole in my life. ALSO, I just realized, after watching the music video and looking over the lyrics, this song is subtly themed around baseball. How funny. Overall, this song is just like viewing my rawest and bloodthirstiest emotions towards that person but through a cleaner and pinker lens, almost all the lyrics match up perfectly with my experiences. It is genuinely awesome. In general, Qbomb is a good listen, definitely recommend this album too.
This month's drawings:
(9/1)
Coincidentally, this vent/angst piece is about the person I was just talking about in the song section, but of course you can also view this from a Johndave perspective (like everything else, haha) as Dave referring to John.
(9/3)
(9/8)
(9/15)
(9/22)
(9/24)
(9/24)
Huge lack of art this month, I apologize. I've been working on a few different WIPs behind the scenes but a lot of days I either forget to work on them or have no motivation. I really do want to draw more, genuinely, but it's just getting harder for some reason.
Thanks for coming for the now second monthly, Blogspot! I appreciate you! In next month's monthly, you might see a lot more gorey and Halloween-y drawings (hopefully!), stay tuned for that. As always, thank you for reading. See you in the next post.
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