It's time.... for the first special monthly post!!! Yay!!
This month has overall been average and a lot less horrible and heartbreaking than last year's August, kinda. Mostly. My home life has remained the same as it has been for the entire year: awful for a lot of the days. But, to cope, I have drawn copious (lol) amounts of Johndave that it could legally be considered lethal. Those drawings will be shown later in the post.
I started the month off by applying to community college, however because I applied so late and I have no idea what I'm doing, I was unable to get any appointments and decided fuck it, I'm waiting til spring to start school. My major is psychology, because the art industry is legitimately going so down the shitter that it ain't coming back up. Character designing and drawing will remain my hobby.
I've been seeing a lot of 'hopecore' posts on Instagram lately, which have genuinely kept my spirits up higher than they would be normally, considering how mentally ill and unmedicated I am in my environment. It's put a bounce in my step and made me generally a little more hopeful for my future than not, I'm more okay with things being the way they are and good things will happen to me naturally. Of course, I've seen an equal amount of posts of breakup-related or just doomed love sort of aesthetics, if you can even call it that, which put small tears into my eyes each time I read them. But I'm still trying to remember those hopeful ones instead of the shitty reminders.
Speaking of doomed love:
I started crushing on someone "new", I say new in quotes because I already crushed on them last year. It's not going to go anywhere, naturally, as is how queer relationships tend to go especially if they don't even know they're queer. But, that's okay, I'm coping at lot better these days instead of just being like omg I can't do it this sucks. Obviously it still sucks, but I know better now and it's easier to let myself off the hook. Also, since I have crush-themed playlists cause I'm a fucking dork, I have 122 songs in there so far. Is that too little? Hehe. Compared to some of my other ones, it's actually pretty average.
Speaking of sooongs....
Monthly favorite song:
I Bet On Losing Dogs - Mitski
Honorable mentions:
21st Century Monster - Aviators, I'll Look Good When I'm Sober - Lovejoy, Noobz 4 Leif - JT Music
This song is actually in the previously mentioned crush playlist, because it hits so hard for me as an openly gay person who is actively crushing on someone who is most likely straight. It's knowing you're losing but keep doing what you're doing because it feels good to love them, despite the fact you'll never be with them. It also hurts because you're the only person you know who loves them. At least that's how I interpret the song. Mitski is a very good songwriter and it was hard to choose either this or Nobody. I would definitely recommend her if you don't listen to her music already.
This month's drawings:
(8/1)
(8/5)
(8/6)
(8/6)
This is definitely one of my all-time favorite pieces that I've done, it doubles as a vent and angst artwork. I utilized a different shading process as well as overlays (you could probably say I used too many tbh). It evokes the feeling of being in love with someone, thinking they're your soulmate, but they turn around and date someone opposite to your gender because that's who they were pressured to date, and your love interest stops liking you entirely. Umm... haha anyways! Johndave angst!
(8/7)
John is NOT a kissboy.
(8/10)
One of my least favorite drawings this month.
(8/14)
Another double vent/angst artwork. I'm obsessed with my headcanon of Dave's home life being absolute shit (more than canon), with Bro being a violent alcoholic and Dave having to sneak around after hours just to get a snack as to not stir his drunken brother. Thus, this drawing. I say vent because of my mother's old and new drunk habits, but she used to be a lot worse with persuading me to get her her drinks like Bro does in this piece, it is a lot more exaggerated here than it was in reality. In this piece, Bro has drunk multiple beers and whiskey bottles, shaking a near-empty beer can while creepily slurring Dave's name, another direct reference to my own life events.
(8/16)
(8/17)
Utilized contrasting color palettes for this one, which was fun to do. Just a sad Dave headcanon-y thing here this time, no vents included. In this drawing, context is Dave told Bro that he thinks he likes boys, and Bro being a homophobic POS, starts hunting Dave to "strife with" him.
(8/19)
This was the drawing in my first ever post, but I will include more information about it here. The text comes from Sinisterrrrrrrr by Renard, I'm unsure where it exactly originally comes from but I think it's from an older game. This is supposed to be centering around the hate aspect of John and Davesprite's relationship stemming from canon, but it serves as a vent as well with a backstory I shall not explain yet. It's still sensitive and I'm still trying to work through it myself, but once I do, maybe I'll feel ready to share it someday.
(8/20)
"the alternate happy ending"
CONTENT WARNING: UNDERAGE DRINKING
(8/21)
(8/21)
New fursona.
(8/22)
(8/25)
(8/27)
(8/28)
Another vent drawing regarding the crush I mentioned earlier in the post, with them representing John and me representing Davesprite, obviously.
(8/29)
Tried to somewhat replicate Calliope's canon artstyle with this one but also wanted to try something new. From left to right top to bottom, the words behind everyone says: favorite beta kid, favorite alpha kid, favorite beta troll, looks most like you, dream moon, highest kin, favorite ship, favorite design, favorite alpha troll
(8/31 [today])
I saw a gif of someone petting a crow's breast and the crow was very happy, it reminded me of how Davesprite would totally suppress his crow side but it instinctively comes out when he gets pet or touched.
...And that's all for this monthly post. Thank you for reading my silly words and looking at my art if you did, I really appreciate it. I welcome chilly September with warm, open arms, and hope it has better things for me than August did.
hi. i have a theory on davekat + johndave, hear me out.
so, davekat is canon yes? but what if i told you there's a chance dave was romantically interested in john before he was talking with karkat? and he dated karkat because john was busy with other people or so dave thought?
dave is bisexual, he's canonically dated jade and karkat, while john's sexuality is ambiguous (despite the "i am not a homosexual" line, which could easily be regarded as a statement to cover up the questioning sexual orientation of a queer teenage person). we see in the comic he's at least interested in women, considering his and roxy's relationship, but there's a grey area for his interest in men. he could be considered as bisexual or gay or some other sexuality. there is of course the definite possibility Almighty God Andrew Hussie intentionally wrote john to be a cishet teenage male with no doubts about such especially as it was 2009.
now, when dave was interested in john when they were 13, he probably thought john was straight, because as we saw, john never discussed anything outside of being straight, at least not that we see in the comic itself. we see clear signs within dave's dialogue and tone that he does genuinely love john, whether in a platonic or romantic way is uncertain but cmon. that subtext is crazy smelly with homosexuality. it also could just be another strange "dave being super ironic for no reason" moment.
(pg 1402)
uh, anyways, back to davekat. this all matters because at some point, we learn that trolls don't have a sense of bias towards gender or genitals when it comes to their orientation, so they date whomever. it can be assumed dave learns this information at some point as well whenever quadrants are explained to him. he forms a bond and friendship with karkat and decides to be with him because he knows kk wouldn't have a bias towards what he was, so there wouldn't be any discrimination or inclination for his gender. it's just two guys who like each other. in contrast, john is only ever slightly interested in rose because he was told to be with her and has a similar experience to dave+kat with roxy, who, afaik, do not canonically "date" each other in the comic proper. it is only shown in the epilogues - which are technically outside of canon and therefore not canon to me - that they are officially dating and become married and have a child and blah.
i think these two teenagers who did like each other at some point (or at least one of them did) were told to like other people whether directly or indirectly and they followed suit because what were they gonna do, date each other? that's ridiculous. why would male best friends want to be gay???
but maybe i'm just fuckin mentally ill about johndave and are desperate for some extra canonicity for them which i'll never receive. :') i also despise davekat as it is an extremely overrated and cheesy ship that i just don't care for, never have never will.
thank you for reading my essay, plz check back on the 31st for the FIRST monthly special post!
This is my first post on Blogger or Blogspot as I'll be referring to it from now on, as it's just what I'm used to hearing. This serves mostly as a test post but as well as an introduction.
I am Sebastian, or alternatively Ren or sparsely Dave in online circles. I will usually refer to myself as Sebastian for simplicity's sake, you may refer to me as whatever. I am 19 years old (Born May 25th) and identify as transmasculine non-binary gay asexual. I made this blog as a general ranting/talking place for me as well as showing off my art. I've never really had a blog for myself before and I really like to talk. I will mostly be discussing quite personal affairs from my life as well as fandom-related ramblings. If you are one of my friends who I have a "past" with, or my mother (god fucking forbid), you might want to click off. I will not use direct names on this blog unless I have permission but you know who you are. ;)
Warning in advance, my future posts may vary in typing, as in I may use proper capitalization and punctuation (like in this post) or none at all. It is kind of hard getting used to just having a space to be yourself after all, but one that's being shown to the public (kind of). I prefer to seem as put-together and proper as possible but that facade will decay quickly. I also swear frequently. Just putting it out there now.
I plan to make special monthly posts on the last day of each month, discussing all significant stuff that happened in that past month, share art I made that I'm proud of, and a monthly favorite song. Of course, I'll try to make a post in-between those days that are more general and chatty than the special ones. We will see.
Til then, enjoy the rest of your August.
ALSO. Here's an art piece I made recently (8/19) that I really like. It took in total 10 hours.
(pg 1402)
