Why are you so relatable?
Dave Strider, in general, has always been relatable to me - a queer teenager, his plight with facing a dysfunctional household, being under strict rule, being outshone by his friends, and seeing them die (ok maybe not that part) has resonated with me. Dave lives with a constant 'cool façade', having to pretend everything's okay, twist his feelings into irony somehow, and never let anybody see his eyes, for some reason. I suppose you could say with Dave refusing anybody to see his irises is that it makes him vulnerable. It's a bright, bold, weird eye color, and that shows just how unique and amazing he is, but he doesn't want to be seen like that. He wants to fit in alongside his friends, despite knowing deep down because of his identity and his eyes, he will always stand out.
Now, with Davesprite, it is almost completely opposite. He wants to stand out - most notably from his Alpha counterpart. Within his entire lifespan thus far, Davesprite is considered inferior, non-human, worthless, among other things, to Alpha Dave, despite the things he did that most would consider him heroic for. Honestly, in comparison, Davesprite IS more heroic than Alpha Dave, or any other Dave frankly.
Davesprite is someone who loves his friends (even if they aren't from the same timeline) but it isn't reciprocated back, and it definitely reverberates back into Davesprite and how he decides to feel about it. He's alienated and even John, his best friend, refers to him as an asshole and a fraud, indirectly. Davesprite is seen as more "crow-like" than "Dave-like", to put it, which even I fall into on a lot of occasions, but that is because the headcanon that Davesprite would make noises and act like a crow is funny and cute. Even that is weird, though, because the crow component is, well, dead, so it would just be Dave through-and-through, after all. In the end, however, if his friends really did value him as just a friend and not an impostor, they wouldn't care if he was a crow or cat or Cthulhu or a cardboard box - it's Dave, their buddy. But that's not how it goes in canon.
Davesprite desperately wants to be liked, but he never receives his wish in full.
I relate a lot to Davesprite, perhaps even more so than Alpha Dave. Ever since I moved to Colorado, I've stuck with one friend group, who I've always been with but never actually fully felt like I belonged in. There is no other version of me, but I feel alienated from myself, somehow. I suppose alienated from my friends, who all have succeeded or succeed currently more than me in various ways. Davesprite split off from his group, yet I have not done the same. Why, I'm not sure. Maybe it's the fear that, if I do split off, I'll never find another group that's as accepting and fun, but all I want is one that is MORE accepting, supportive, and more like me, I guess. But I have to stick with what I have because of that fear, and as time passes I find I do love my friends more genuinely than I ever have.
But Davesprite is bitter, depressed, sensitive, and closed off, which as much as I don't want to become it, I pretty much am almost exactly like that, as well. I think I am the most depressed I have been in years. I am aggressive, bitter, but I try to keep it all closed off and kept away from everybody to not alarm or scare anybody into thinking I'm on the verge of killing myself, which I am not. Not now, or ever.
"I will not be a statistic."
Thank you Davesprite, but also sorry, for serving as the catalyst to understanding myself and the sludge of problems I have to deal with. Your sacrifice will be in vain.
