WHOOPS, this is accidentally late by like 2 hours but whatever. Sorry about that. It completely slipped my mind that the monthly post was, well on the last day of the month.
This will definitely be a more tired monthly post because it's 1:21 AM as I write this. But we keep moving anyway.
This month (last week I think actually) I got the ball rolling a bit for going to community college in January. I made an appointment with my advisor I'll be going to via phone in 7 days. Hopefully I can actually manage to get classes and not just fail horribly with my plans like I usually do.
I participated in most of Goretober (the xxanemia version specifically) this month, however I gave up after the 21st due to burnout, surprise surprise. It was also a little taxing on my mental health to draw gore every other day (I opted to draw non-gore things for some prompts as you'll see later on in this post).
I concocted a LOT of AUs this month, but most notably my Infinity Train x Homestuck crossover, which I've been planning out and will begin to write the first chapter of soon. I'm excited.
Honestly guys, at this point in time I'm so depressed about not having a job or going to school like everybody else I know that I just straight up don't care anymore. It's just like, yeah, meh, whatever. I may be bumbling around but at least I do something fulfilling with my abundance of free time. But a downside is the days blur together, when I wake up and go to sleep doesn't matter, and I don't really talk to anybody since they're usually busy with work and/or school. Besides my mom, who is practically just as unemployed as I am at this point.
I've been especially obsessed and yearning over somebody (the same somebody I've mentioned in the last 2 monthly posts I think) this month as well, but it's so dumb because I constantly remind myself they don't like me back or at least don't think of me nearly as often as I think of them, so there would be 0 point to asking them out. Unfortunately, they are pretty much all I think about, besides JohnDave and moving out. I've been juggling the idea of asking them out but I just know I would only be added to their long roster of people they've rejected. So, that is fate. To be rejected. Again. But it's okay.
I began and finished watching Infinity Train, twice, this month. Seriously, SUCH A GOOD SHOW. I recommend it for anyone who hasn't (or even has, lol) watched it. It does cut off early on though due to being cancelled but it's still a good watch, you can kinda imagine what happens after, like an open interpretation. Here's a very legal link to it if you wanna watch it (opens up a Google drive full of the episodes, nothing malicious). It has such a unique and thrilling story and premise that has inspired me to make my own crossover -- that I'm sure has already been done -- Trainstuck. Basically, the beta kids of Homestuck get on the train and bond with each other. It will be a lot more interesting to read compared to how poorly I hyped it up, trust.
Also random but I got a very brief eye infection for like a week in the beginning of the month? That made it a little difficult to draw, as it was inflamed and itchy and generally hard to see out of. It's over now, nothing bad happened after, but it still confuses me how it appeared in the first place.
Now, for your favorite (probably) section:
Monthly favorite song:
CODE MISTAKE - Corpse, Bring Me The Horizon
Honorable mentions:
Drown - Get Scared, Callback Ping - AxisRogue, The Question is What Is The Question? - Scooter
This song sticks hard with me, especially the second verse and the bridge:
They say they wanna help, but they always fucking leave
Leave me by myself, leave me, DND
Leave me in the dark, leave me with these things
Tell me that you love me, I know all your talk is cheap
Baby, I'm a code mistake, I was never meant to be
It hits so close to home for me because in a lot of situations, literal and figurative, I've been left by myself or with more unfavorable things/feelings. For example, I am usually the last person to leave in calls with my friends because I stay up so late. I've also been let down on multiple occasions with multiple problems and issues I face, with little to no help received so I fall flat on my face hurting even more than I did previously. With the 4th line "Tell me that you love me I know all your talk is cheap", lately with the 'somebody' I've been pining for has been turbulent because they are a little flirty even when they don't mean to be, but it more often than not leads me on. They are very sweet, but this comes at the cost of me knowing that it isn't necessarily a telltale sign of my feelings being reciprocated. And finally, the last line "Baby I'm a code mistake I was never meant to be", like a lot of people, I was not meant to exist and an unplanned pregnancy. As well as dealing with multiple untreated and undiagnosed mental illnesses with affect me in various and confusing ways, thus 'code mistake'.
WARNING FOR THE FOLLOWING IMAGERY:
My next art pieces shown will contain:
Blood, visible organs, cannibalism, spilling guts, slight eye trauma, dead bodies, 1 singular semi-realistic gun, 1 singular cigarette, self-harm, general creepy imagery, suicidal themes, and trypophobia.
DO NOT CONTINUE IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE VIEWING THESE.
This month's drawings:
(10/1)
Day 1 - Cannibalism
Fun little AU thing, dogtier John! Rest in peace, Dave. For a lot of these drawings, I made Dave the punching bag for some reason, haha.
(10/2)
I found out that sonas of the beta/alpha kids exist, and thus made a Davesona (a fox/crow hybrid guy), and my crush into just an alternate John, I guess. I love my Davesona a lot.
Day 2 - Sharp Objects
Whoops! Dave lost the Strife against his Bro. Try again next time.
(10/3)
(Goretober for today won't be shown, because I don't like it.)
A different take I thought of for this one. An AU in which John is miserable and smokes cigs, burning one on his hand to feel something. Or to quote myself, "john hasn't gotten enough suffering this month yet :)"
(10/13)
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